What is Cuckolding?

Although you may have heard the term "cuckolding," you might not really know what it means. Cuckolding is when someone of any gender and/or sexual orientation engages in sex with someone outside their primary relationship, thereby making the person being "cheated on" the cuckold. But because the two people in the relationship have agreed to this arrangement, the cuckold isn't actually being cheated on, unless they want to see it that way for the sake of fulfilling a sexual fetish.

In some cases, the cuckold gets off on knowing their partner is having sex with others so much so that they want to watch. In other cases, just knowing that their partner is out there receiving pleasure from others is enough to satisfy them. In all cases, cuckolding is a consensual arrangement that everyone involved gets off on and enjoys.

5 Cuckolding Terms to Know

Despite a cuckold historically being a man whose wife cheats on him — back when relationships were all assumed to be heteronormative — in today's society where gender and sexual orientation are fluid, anyone in a relationship can be a cuckold. So, while the following terms sound gender-specific, they don't need to be used in a gender-specific way at all. Each role can be played by anyone.

Cuckold

The person whose partner is engaging in sexual relations with someone outside the relationship — and is supportive and encouraging, because they find it sexually arousing.

Cuckoldress

The person who's having sex with people outside the relationship with their primary partner's consent.

Cucking

The act of arranging a sexual rendezvous between the cuckoldress and someone else. Or, depending on how deep into cucking a couple is, this could include the cuckold watching the cuckoldress having sex with that someone else.

Bull

The third party, who agrees to be part of the equation, that's brought in to have sex with the cuckoldress.

Hotwifing

When someone (known as a "Stag") wants to share their partner with others. The stag gets off on feeling a sense of pride and sexual satisfaction that their partner is desired by others.

Is Cuckolding Popular?

Short answer: it's more popular than one might think. In the US alone, 33,100 people are searching for cuckolding (according to Google Ads) per month. That number rises to 110,00 per month worldwide. So while it may not be mainstream at the moment, people are definitely indulging in it or at least interested in learning more about it.

Why do folks like cuckolding?

It's taboo: Like anything that's "bad," people want in on it. Cuckolding is still considered a taboo lifestyle and for some people, that's all they need to enjoy it.

Compersion: In the poly world, the term "compression" comes up a lot. What it means is that someone can derive sexual pleasure from knowing their partner is enjoying themselves sexually with someone else.

Humiliation/submission: For those who enjoy being sexually humiliated and/or being submissive, being a cuckold can fulfill that. The satisfaction that comes with it can be amplified if the sex if performed in front of them and they're consensually degraded.

Domination: On the flip side, the cuckoldress can get off by dominating the sexual scenario, putting the cuckold in their place, and consensually taunting them.

Jealousy: For the cuckold and the cuckoldress, the jealousy factor can be really arousing. The cuckold can find motivation to please their partner more than the bull and the cuckoldress can get off on knowing they're making their partner jealous. Every relationship can use a healthy does of jealousy and cuckolding is a fun way to evoke that jealousy.

NSA (No Strings Attached) sex: The person who has been chosen to be the bull can enjoy cuckolding because they get to have NSA sex, then leave the scene.

Pleasure: From both a physical and psychological standpoint, everyone involved in cuckolding can get a lot of pleasure from it — no matter their role in the situation.

But wait, isn't it considered cheating?

No. Cuckolding isn't cheating, because, like an open relationship, boundaries and rules are established, and sex with someone else is allowed.

Who can enjoy cuckolding?

Anyone! Although we tend to think the cuckold is usually someone with a penis, that's not the case. Anyone can love being a cuckold, cuckoldress, or bull. It's an equal-opportunity fetish!

Cuckolding for Beginners

If you're intrigued, it's best to dip your toe in the pool of cuckolding, before tossing yourself into the deep end without any swimmies to keep you afloat.

Communication

When it comes to any sexual act, communication is paramount. Cuckolding without communication isn't cuckolding — it's actual cheating. So because you want this to be an enjoyable sexual adventure for you both, you want to talk it out and gauge how you both feel about it.

If you're the one interested in exploring cuckolding: Explain to your partner why it sounds interesting to you. Give them all the information they need on the subject and be ready to field their questions. Don't be surprised if they're shocked. If they are, let them know your relationship is strong and you love them; you're just interested in trying this out.

If your partner brings up cuckolding to you: At first, you may be taken aback — and that's completely normal! Not all partners share the same sexual fetish, nor should they have to. But instead of getting angry, hear them out. Because this is something to be enjoyed together, listen to their reasons and keep your mind open.

If the answer is no: Whether you brought up cuckolding or your partner did, if either one of you doesn't want to explore it, then that's totally fine. No one is under any obligation to do something that doesn't make them feel comfortable. Sex should be enjoyed by both partners, and whoever in the relationship isn't interested in cuckolding shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. If it's a no, then it's a no. End of story.

If the answer is yes: Then high-five each other and read on!

Decide your roles

Because cuckolding is a form of role-play, you want to talk about which roles you're both interested in, and how you want to carry out those roles.

Do you want to be the cuckold, the cuckoldress, or the bull? Even if you proposed to your partner that you want to be the cuckold to their cuckcoldress, you might be excited about being the cuckoldress too. Just because you decide on a specific role for one sexual scenario, doesn't mean you can't switch it up. You might be approached by a friend or acquaintance who asks you to be the bull int their cuckolding. If so, that's a role to decide if you want to explore too. It's about keeping everyone's options open.

How do you go about finding a bull? Since cuckolding is considered a fetish, a good place to look are on apps like Feeld, Couples Dating, and Local Cuckold, just to name a few. You can also hit up sex clubs, swinger bars, and other events that cater to like-minded people.

Setting boundaries

Boundaries are essential for all sexual exploration. Here are a few dos and don'ts to keep in mind.

Do hear each other out: When you're about to embark on your first cuckolding, you want to listen to each other's concerns and not be dismissive about what those concerns may be. Remember: this is about enjoyment and creating a safe space where you can both talk honestly about how you feel.

Don't push your partner to do something they don't want: Everyone has their own level of comfort. Just because your comfort zone allows you to be very experimental, if your partner isn't, then accept it. Don't push them in a direction that's going to make them feel uneasy.

Do come up with a list of dos and don'ts: As is the case with people in open relationships, a list of what's OK and what isn't, is essential. If you both decide that kissing the bull is too intimate, then there's no kissing the bull. If the cuckoldress doesn't want to engage in anything but outercourse, then that's a boundary that needs to be set too.

Don't disregard the bull: While the bull may be the third party, they shouldn't be treated like a third wheel. Unless the bull wants to be objectified, as you should discuss their boundaries too, treat them with respect and kindness.

Do have fun, but take it slow: It's OK to take it really slow whether it's your first time or 100th time cuckolding! Taking it slow can help make sure everyone is in a good emotional, mental, and physical space.

Taking precautions and providing aftercare

You can't just go into cuckolding willy-nilly without being responsible, consenting adults about it. Because of this, precautions and aftercare are part of the whole package.

How to take precautions: You and your partner should get tested and know your STI status. You should also ask the same of the bull. Even if everyone is STI-free, you still want to practice safe sex. That includes using condoms during intercourse, condoms on internal sex toys, and properly cleaning external sex toys.

How to provide aftercare: After a proper romp, aftercare is the cherry on top of the sundae. So, take time to decrompress, hydrate, and talk about the experience you all just had together. You can order pizza and watch a movie, or have a group cuddle. Whatever you choose, make sure everyone who's coming down from that sexual high feels cared for, supported, and safe.

Advanced Cuckolding

When you think you're ready to set up your cuckolding game, there are many ways to do that.

Introducing BDSM

If you're already into BDSM and want to include it in your cuckolding sessions, then first talk about it together, as partners, then discuss it with the bull. There are many levels of BDSM and you want to make sure that the aspects you want to incorporate are OK with everyone.

Humiliation

For those in a cuckold role, sometimes the appeal is being humiliated. This humiliation can come from the cuckoldress or the bull, or both. Some cuckolds want to be verbally humiliated, while others want to be physically humiliated as well.

Pegging or Strap-On Sex

Strapping on a dildo and pegging the cuckoldress or the cuckold, the latter for humiliation and pleasurable reasons, makes things even more intense. There's a lot of power play when it comes to pegging and because cuckolding already involves power, adding even more can enhance the experience for everyone.

Giving the Bull Power

Because the person in the cuckold role has consented to have their partner be pretty much railed by a bull while they just watch "helplessly," the bull can use their power in ways to make the scenario even hotter. For example, the bull can force orgasms on the cuckoldress, either manually or with toys. Making the cuckoldress ride a sex machine or making her climax through a combo of external and internal toys like the Le Wand Bundles will guarantee these "forced" — consensually forced — orgasms.

While cuckolding has a lot of moving parts, it requires a lot of communication and setting of boundaries, and can be an intoxicating sexual adventure. The first step is bringing it up with your partner and seeing if they want to explore the world of cuckolding too. You never know — they might have had it on their mind for a while, but just weren't sure how to bring it up to you.