Simply, when it comes down to face sitting sex, there are two necessary components you need to pull it off: a face and genitals.
At some point, if you haven’t been asked already, you may come across a partner who asks you to sit on their face. For some, the idea can seem a bit terrifying and thoughts of suffocating their partner to death might run rampant through their heads. While for others, when such a request has been put out there, they mosey on up to their partner, straddle their face and take a seat. Because life is short, so why the hell not?
What is face sitting?
There is no hidden meaning in the term face sitting. It is exactly that: sitting on your partner’s face so they can orally stimulate the partner in the sitting position. It’s also, to clarify, not always direct sitting but sometimes squatting or kneeling over your partner’s face — something to keep in mind if suffocation is the first thing you think of when you hear the term face sitting.
Facesitting history
Facesitting sex has an interesting history. Although some researchers have noted that it goes back to the 1800s, for example, The Cursed Woman (1859) by Nicholas François Octave Tassaert, in which a woman is sitting on the face of one partner, her legs draped on either side of their head, while two others stimulate her body (hardly cursed, but I digress), others trace the sex act back to ancient times. Wherein again, drawings from ancient Egypt, parts of Asia, and Medieval Europe, show the act being performed.
In 2014, the UK banned face sitting (as well as female ejaculation, to no surprise, and several other sex acts deemed “potentially harmful content”) from being shown in online pornography. Although the ban was eventually overturned in 2019 and people could, once again, enjoy watching face sitting and the other previously banned acts in porn again, face sitting found itself — gasp! — in the taboo category.
Why is it also referred to as “Queening” in the BDSM/Femdom community?
In the BDSM community, where power dynamics are at play, face sitting is all referred to as “Queening“. The reason for this is because the “Queen” (the dominant partner) sits on their “throne” (the face of the submissive partner).
Queening is an extremely powerful position as one can ride their partner’s face, rubbing their vulva, clitoris, and if they want, as they’re the one in control, their anus along the mouth and nose of their partner. In this position, the vulva owner isn’t just empowered, but can achieve an orgasm easier because they can stimulate their clit against their partner’s face — similar to being on top during sex and using their partner’s pubic bone to reach climax.
Why would someone want to face sit?
If we really dive into it, there are easily dozens of reasons why someone might want to learn how to face sit. From experimenting with a new position to engaging in power dynamics, to simple curiosity, the reasons depend on the people involved and what they find sexually arousing.
What does face sitting feel like for the person on top?
1. In one word: great!
That is, if you enjoy receiving oral sex, which not everyone does and that’s totally normal! Some people feel really vulnerable when it comes to receiving oral and would rather skip it. But for those who do enjoy it, face sitting is a comfortable way to have their genitals stimulated because, well, they’re sitting and sitting is a pretty cozy position to be in no matter what one is engaging in.
2. Empowering.
Even if you and your partner aren’t into BDSM, when someone is on top they have more control over their pleasure and there’s a power in that. The top partner doesn’t have to “Queen” their partner, per se, to feel like a queen as their partner’s main focus is on stimulating their genitals.
3. Less vulnerable.
For those with vulvas who feel vulnerable during oral sex, a lot of that has to do with society and the “traditional” position of receiving oral. Society has tragically taught those with vulvas that their genitals are “dirty” (which is not true at all!) as opposed to penises. So, when you’re laying there, legs spread eagle, it can feel vulnerable and intimidating. But when you’re straddling your partner and you have that feeling of empowerment within you, you may find that you’re less vulnerable thanks to the control you have from being on top.
What does face sitting feel like for a bottom?
1. Not to be redundant, but again, great.
For people who really, like really, really enjoy pleasuring their partner, there’s no better way of showing that than through oral sex. As research has shown time and time again, the majority of those with vulvas need clit stimulation to orgasm or squirt, and there’s no better way to stimulate that part of the body than having their partner sit on their face. It’s also in this position that the person on the bottom can be consumed by their partner’s genitals, taking in all the tastes and smells without any distractions.
2. Empowering.
If you think you’re seeing a pattern here, you’re right; your eyes are not deceiving you! Although “Queening” is considered a dominant move, being on the bottom can be just empowering. While the bottom partner may not have as much physical control as the partner on top, they can still experience empowerment by pulling their partner deeper into their mouth and not allowing them to escape — consensually, of course — until a certain amount of orgasms have been achieved.
3. It’s an ego boost.
Any person who’s had sex with someone who has a vulva knows that penetration rarely brings them to orgasm. Or, to be more exact, only about 20% to 25% (based on the demographic of the various studies on the subject) can orgasm through penetration alone. Because clitoral stimulation is where it’s at, the person on the bottom can get one hell of an ego boost as they’re in the perfect position to bring their partner to climax — and over and over again, if their mouth has the stamina for it.
Can anyone try or learn how to face sit?
Short answer: yes. It doesn’t matter your shape or size, or your genitals. Although face sitting is often associated with a vulva owner being on top, that doesn’t mean that people with penises can’t “Queen” in their own way. While the angle and position aren’t as comfortable for the penis owner on top, it can still be done. So, yes, anyone can try face sitting sex, which also means anyone can love to face sit. Simply, when it comes down to face sitting, there are two necessary components you need to pull it off: a face and genitals.
Face sitting sex for beginners
First of all, it can’t be stressed enough that if you’re the one doing the straddling for the first time, you’re likely to have concerns, and all those concerns are warranted. But when you sit down (pun!) and talk to your partner first about those concerns, as well as their concerns, because they could have some too, then you can both get on the same page about how you want to approach face sitting.
1. How to talk to your partner.
Whether you’re the one interested in straddling your partner’s face or they’re the one who’s asking you to do the straddling, consent should be a big part of the conversation. During this conversation, you want to share why you’d like to try it, why you think it might feel good for both of you, and how to physically approach it. You might find that your partner has zero interest in trying this particular sex act and that’s their decision, end of story; you should never try to convince your partner to do something they don’t want to do or push them in a direction to change their mind. Instead, listen to your partner and why they don’t want to try it. You may find that their lack of interest is based on concerns, insecurities, or other factors. Putting all this on the table and really talking it through, you might find you’re able to negotiate a happy medium that works for you both.
2. Best face sitting positions.
Although the “traditional” face sitting position, if we want to call it that, is sitting on a partner’s face while facing the top of their head (making it easy access for hair pulling and pushing your genitals deeper into their face — consensually, of course), it’s not the only face sitting position.
Face away from your partner.
One of the best parts about facing away from your partner as they stimulate your genitals is when they glance up, they get a very lovely view of that very lovely butt of yours. Licking your genitals while having such a view is basically the cherry on the top of the scenario. It’s also a great way to add some analingus (aka. rimming) to the mix. While the anus stimulation can be performed when you’re straddling your partner’s face while facing them, when you turn around, it gives easier access to some proper ass-eating.
Squatting.
For those who fear the weight of their body might be too much for their partner’s face, instead of having one knee resting on the bed (or whatever surface you’re using) on either side of their side of your head, you can try squatting. With squatting you have more power to not just tease your partner as you hover your genitals over their face, but it can give you less anxiety about the effect of what your full amount of weight on their face might be like for them. Although, it should be taken into consideration that not everyone’s quads are strong enough to hold such a position for an extended period of time. If this is the case, then take a break. Or, better yet, switch places.
Leaning against the headboard.
Some sex positions require support. For example, very few people can have intercourse standing up without a wall to support them. Sure, they can try, but those people usually end up on the floor. The same can be said for facesitting. If balance isn’t your strong suit or you don’t want to put your entire weight on your partner, using the headboard of the bed or the wall for support can not only help you in staying upright, but it can give you even more control over how much weight you want to put on your partner’s face. If your partner wants more, then that wall or headboard can help you push your body down even further into their face and mouth.
3. The importance of having a safe word.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the most “vanilla” couple around or the kinkiest, a BDSM safe word is always important. When we say our safe words, everything must stop immediately. When you and your partner decide to try face sitting, make sure you both have a safe word and you’re both very clear as to what the safe word is. With face sitting, you also want to have a safe signal. If you have the full weight of your body on your partner’s face, there’s a good chance they won’t be able to share their safe word. Or, if they do, you probably won’t hear them. So having a signal, like tapping on one of your thighs, is something you want to agree upon in advance.
4. Face sitting techniques.
In addition to positions, face sitting also allows different techniques that you can explore with your partner.
Cunnilingus.
Although cunnilingus may be the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to face-sitting, it’s not the only technique that can be used. Yes, it’s a great place to start as the clitoris is chock-full of a whopping 8,000 nerves, but it’s also not the only erogenous zone in that area. Bonus tip: Try the Kivin Method (aka. the best way to perform cunnilingus).
Analingus.
For those who love anal play, face-sitting is the ideal position to get up close and personal to the anus, stimulating it with your mouth and tongue. Or, while the bottom partner is focusing on the genitals with their face, they can stimulate the anus with their fingers too. Here are some anal massage and anal fingering moves to try right away.
Breath play.
It has to be stressed that breath play not only needs to be discussed beforehand, but it involves a lot of communication along the way. While it’s certainly empowering when you’re on top to literally take your partner’s breath away, it’s also something that needs to be monitored. This is where that safe word and/or signal really comes into play.
Using toys.
If you’re not taking the dominant role of “Queening” your partner, if you straddle their face while facing away from them, you can use a mini vibe such as the Le Wand Grand Bullet to stimulate their genitals. Whether the bottom partner is a vulva owner or penis owner, vibrators can really add an extra something to face sitting for both partners.
RELATED: Learn how to use a vibrator on a penis!
5. Check in with your partner.
Whether you’re on the top or the bottom, it’s important to check in with your partner. Asking if they’re comfortable, if they can breathe OK, if they’re enjoying it, if another position would be better for them, or other questions that keep the lines of communication open are paramount. It’s also the best way to make sure the experience is equally delicious for both of you.
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