The Joys of Predicament Bondage
Desperate for the vibration that will send me into explosive bliss, I arch my back and thrust my hips up to the ceiling. My wrists restrained in soft leather and arms stretched tautly overhead, I manage to grab onto the black webbing tethering me to the headboard. You grin that saucy mouth of yours, watching me wiggle in your diabolical puzzle. Using the tension of the webbing, I manage a little extra leverage. My hips rise just a little closer. The air between my clit hood and the head of the wand quivers, but I'm still too far. Digging my heels into the mattress, pulling against the leather ankle restraints and the webbing to the bed-posts, I gain a little more purchase. Tensing my ass cheeks and tightening my quads, I rise half an inch. Oh glorious half inch! The touch of the wand on my throbbing clit jolts a fire of pleasure through me. I clench my glutes even tighter, curling my vulva towards the vibration. I want my lips to swallow it whole. Moans escape my other lips. Rolling my hips side to side, I try to get a little more pressure across my clit head. But the Le Wand hanging free from a rope overhead slides aside too lightly, too easily, getting away from me. I buck my hips to bounce it off of my mound. If I can get it to bounce just a bit harder, I might be able to catch it with my inner thighs and clamp it onto my pussy… I miss. I buck again. My quads are quivering. I deeply regret not doing more yoga or Pilates or whatever. I buck again. My glues are on fire. Abandoning the bounce and grab strategy, I extend my spine and torso up as long and high as possible. The Wand rests against my aching clit. Clenching my eyes shut and holding my breath, I take in the increasing vibration, building, building, building. Then, my quads quivering, my body spasms. I collapse back onto the mattress. A confusing confluence of sharp orgasm and muscle fatigue overtake me. I quiver in relief, in helpless pleasure, in laughter and orgasmic tears.
This is just one example of the delightfully devious BDSM play called Predicament Bondage.
What is Predicament Bondage?
Predicament Bondage is when a partner’s mobility is limited or controlled through intentionally setting up a situation of conflicting desires.
Sometimes people will describe predicament bondage as being stuck between a rock and a hard place or stuck between two unpleasant options. This isn’t exactly so. If all the options were disagreeable, there wouldn’t be much of a motivation to play. Playing is a keyword here, as this is all about setting up a sexy bondage game of body, wits, desire, and above all, fun.
What Predicament Bondage isn't
Here's what Predicament bondage isn't...
- It’s not about causing harm. Don’t do things that would harm any of the participants’ body, health, wellbeing, or feelings.
- It’s not about coercion. Don’t do things any of the partners don’t want to do. I don’t care if someone else liked it. If the participants, whether topping or bottoming, don’t want to, just don’t.
- It’s not about causing pain. While some people like intense sensations, not everyone does. A well-planned predicament bondage plays in the realm of activities the participants enjoy.
- You don’t need to have complicated tools, expensive gear, or special rooms. You just need enthusiasm and clever minds.
- It’s not about perfection – it’s all about the experimentation. Don’t stress if something you planned didn’t work out as you had planned. Part of the fun is the puzzle making and puzzle-solving for all parties. When it doesn’t work out as you thought it might, it’s another glorious day in your kinky R&D laboratory. Have your laughter and spirit of experimentation at the ready.
What kind of people might enjoy Predicament Bondage?
Whether giving or receiving, people who enjoy Predicament Bondage are often creative folks who enjoy playing games with others. They are often folks who enjoy making and solving puzzles. Often times, they also enjoy pushing their own capability and thrill in taking on challenges.
Strategies of Predicament Bondage
Reward & Consequences:
Think in terms of Reward vs. Consequences. In the scene above, the Reward was the pleasure of the vibrator on their clit and possible orgasm. The consequence was physical discomfort and muscle fatigue. The Consequence was also the potential of not getting that orgasm or sensation pleasure. The Reward was also about the partner’s delight, the partner’s attention upon them, and shared adventure.
Reward means getting something yummy and desirable. It could be something directly erotic or sexual, as in the story above, but it might also be other pleasures. I remember one scene where the reward was my partner’s favorite delicious donut hanging from a string.
The Reward could also mean affirmation and celebration from one’s partner. It might also be being granted something they really want for completing a challenging game.
Consequence means a penalty or something opposite of yummy. Let’s make sure that these are not detrimental to body or spirit, keeping these in the realm of fun game design. In the scene above, the partner designed the game around their physical capability and not beyond that. This scene would not have gone well, nor would it have been a good predicament design, if there were injuries or bodily limits that made the position harmful. For every person’s bodily configuration and limitations, there are excellent and realistic predicament designs to provide wonderful potential rewards and consequences.
Understand the Person's Motivations:
Are spankings a reward or consequence? This is a trick question, of course. It depends on the person! If I craved a good spanking, then it’s a reward. If it’s not my most favorite thing, but I find it acceptable as a game penalty, then it’s a consequence. Since people are complicated, for many people, it’s a sweet reward that’s disguised as a naughty consequence. Sometimes a reward turns into a consequence. Imagine their favorite wand vibe strapped with a scarf harness against her clit and she couldn’t reach it. At the beginning, it’s edging to pleasure, then a sweet orgasmic reward, and after a while the sensation overwhelms and becomes deliciously overwhelming into the realm of “forced” orgasm, a consensual consequence.
Understanding each person’s drives and motivations help in creating Predicament Bondage scenes. If a person loves to show how tough they are and likes activities with elements of physical endurance, holding a tough position might be exciting for them.
If a person loves to show submission and obedience, create a game where they have to follow instructions carefully and precisely. Making “Simon Says” games into a sex game is a form of predicament play.
If a person is not motivated by obedience, following instructions for the sake of it might not be that effective.
For someone else, if they love to solve their way out of a difficult situation and they get a kick out of outwitting the other, set up a complicated game. I’ve been known to put someone in a complicated bondage position with a pair of scissors just out of reach. But if they reach for the scissors, another rope or clamp might pull against some tender body part.
Realistic, Attainable and Fun Stakes:
Whether for the Reward or for the Consequences, let them be realistic, attainable and fun.
In our opening scene, the partner placed the vibe within potential reach but didn’t make it too easy either. If the vibe were so far out of reach that she could never reach it, there’s no real motivation to try. That’s poor predicament design. If the vibe were in a place where it would have injured them in reaching it, also poor design. If it were too easy, then it’s not a predicament.
The consequences are best when they are fun and funny and not injurious to body, spirit or morale. If my partner didn’t get that donut and I ate it, it’s funny. If I said that failure to get the donut means that they don’t ever deserve a donut, not only is that poor predicament design, that’s me being a terrible unkind jerk. Don’t be a jerk. If a person is motivated by obedience or submission, please don’t set up a consequence where it may trigger sense of inadequacy or disappointment
If you are playing with humiliation, it can get complicated and nuanced. Please do read my chapter on Humiliation play in my book, Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.
Layering & Safety:
Try layering the challenges, rewards and consequences in phases. Put one in place, then another, and another, then remove an earlier one. For example… let’s take the couple from the opening scenario. The person is now on all fours. Their nipples are clamped with gentle nipple clamps, which are tied with a ribbon to the headboard. Behind her, the partner has tied the wand to the foot board. If they sit back onto their heel, like a child’s pose in yoga, they can get the vibe on the vulva, but it pulls on the nipple clamp a wee bit much. If they lean forward to ease up on the nipple clamp, then they lose the vibration. Consider this layer one. When the nipple clamps get too much, and they let the partner know, the partner removes the nipple clamps and puts their sweet genitals in front of their face. In order to enjoy oral sex, they must lean away from the vibe. Oh what sweet torment!
Anytime something isn’t working in a fun way, anytime it feels too much, or unsafe, remove it. This does require all the partners to communicate clearly in ways that work for everyone. This might be via safe words or safe signals. I have a little video here on that. (https://youtu.be/x1KuX42emPA)
For example, I have bad knees. If I were on all fours, I can have fun for a little bit. Then I’d need to change position and find predicament fun in a different way. We can still have fun as long as I’m not on my knees.
When it’s not fun anymore, the scene is over, whether or not you’ve done the things you planned.
Everyone Wins in the End!
The whole point is about fun for everyone. If one person is no longer having fun, it’s time to move on, change elements, or just stop the scene. Every erotic or sexual encounter is an experiment in pleasure, especially with Predicament Bondage. Sometimes things don’t work out as planned. Sometimes it works out even better and at other times, not. Be a good sport, loving and kind to each other in your pleasure experiments and devious games.
